Strange Things I've Overheard At The Gym

by Andy Jay Bennett


At my gym, at any given time, there seems to be at least one crazy, person spouting some insane shit. More often than not, they're naked. Which just makes it that much funnier. Here's two of my recent favorites.

SCENE 1:

A man enters the pool area wearing a red Speedo and carrying a Duluth Pack full of swimming gear. He puts on a swim cap and climbs into the hot tub, sitting down next to me and my wife.

Then, he ducks his head underwater, presses his face up to a jet, and begins to stretch his arms over his head. After a few awkward moments, he spins and lifts himself up and out of the hot tub like a cobra, or mermaid at the prow of a ship. He stares out at the people swimming in the pool. A smile touches his lips. Then:

HOT TUB MAN: (singing softly, to himself) Ave Maria ...

The first thought that went through my head in this moment was that this seemed like the character-development scene in serial killer movie.

SCENE 2:

MAN: (to another man with a name badge peeing at a urinal) You work here right?

PEEING MAN: Yeah.

MAN: You didn't happen to find a puppet, did you?