Final Thoughts At The End Of The World

by Andy Jay Bennett

Since the word is ending today, here's some things I've got to get off my chest:

  • I didn't understand the ending of Magnolia.
  • That one time I ate bone marrow? That was a mistake. But I blame it on the truffle oil, which smells like rich and creamy dog farts.
  • Hey, tomatoes. Listen, I know we've had a rocky relationship. I know I wouldn't even look at you for most of my childhood. But I just wanted you to know, you're okay in my book. And you're great on my burger.
  • Sometimes, I miss livejournal.
  • If Night at the Museum or National Treasure is on television, I will drop everything and watch for at least 30 minutes.
  • When I'm alone, working hard, and need a pick me up - I sometimes turn to Kelly Clarkson.
  • I tell people my favorite book is Atonement. But it's actually Hatchet.
  • I know you've got everybody else fooled, Johnny Depp. But I know you're actually a big douchebag.
  • My biggest regret is that I'll never get to see A Good Day To Die Hard.

There. That's better. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go peek at all my Christmas presents, 'borrow' a bunch of library books, eat a deep fried chocolate bar and buy a convertible with my credit card.

Yippee Kai Yai, Mother Russia. To all of you.